These date back to before we had lower case writing.
| Speaker | About | Quote |
|---|---|---|
| DEAN | MIKE | I’M SLEEPING AT JOY’S TONIGHT. (REFERRING TO JOY):HIRED HELP IS SO HARD TO FIND. |
| MIKE | DEAN | HE’S SUCH A SLEAZE. WANT TO MAKE A BET? |
| JOHN | DOMINGO | YOU THINK I’M GOING TO KILL YOU! |
| DOMINGO | JOHN | HOW MUCH WILL YOU PAY ME TO KEEP QUIET ABOUT SPACE WARS? |
| JOHN | VAMPIRES | (JOHN):I’M NOT A VAMPIRE! (DEAD PEOPLE):LIKE HELL! |
| JOHN | DANNY | HE’S THE NEIGHBORHOOD FASCIST. |
| ANNYE | DEAN | BURNT-THUMB! NIGHTFRIGHT! 8-BALL! |
| DEAN | ANNYE | WENCH!! |
| JOY | ANNYE | WRENCH? DRENCH? STENCH? MENSCH?… |
| DOMINGO | DEAN | YOU HAVE A QUARTER I CAN BORROW? |
| JACKIE | KEITH | HE’S A FUCKING RAPIST! |
| DOMINGO | SUSAN | OH-SHE’S SO DUMB! I THOUGHT DAVID WAS THE ULTIMATE PERFECTIONIST! |
| TOM | DRACULA | DU DENKST-DASS ICH DICH TOTSCHLAGEN WERDE! SCHAU IN MEINE AUGEN AN! |
| EMILY | EST | YOU KNOW-YOU DON’T KNOW YOUR ASS FROM A HOLE IN THE GROUND. |
| JENNIFER | SANDRA | YOU KNOW-SANDRA I HEAR IS SUPPOSED TO BE BISEXUAL-BUT I DON’T KNOW ANYONE OF EITHER SEX WHO WOULD WANT HER. |
| DAVID | GENERAL | GIVE(—–)! FAR FREAKIN’ OUT! TOO FLIPPIN’ BAD!🔔 BEAUTIFUL!🔔 |
| SUSAN | DOMINGO | DAVID-I’M GOING TO CATALINA AND DOMINGO ISN’T GOING WITH ANYBODY-I’D BE CAREFUL IF I WERE YOU! |
| TOM | JACKIE | …THAT’S NO FEMALE BODY! IT’S JUST A MALE BODY WITHOUT A PENIS. JACKIE IS A GOOD POLITICIAN. |
| KERRY | MEN | (JOY):’DON’T YOU JUST HATE MEN LIKE THAT?’ (KERRY):DON’T YOU JUST HATE MEN? |
| JOHN | SEAN | … AND HIS TASTE IN WOMEN IS SO BAD THAT HE COULD ALMOST BE CONSIDERED HOMOSEXUAL. |
| TOM | LA CAGE AUX FOLLES | …QU’EST-CE QU’IL Y A SUR CETTE ASSIETTE? C’EST LES GRECS-LES GARCONS GRECS. QUE FONT-ILS? |
| MIKE | BOREDOM | …THIS IS BORING! LET’S GO BLOW UP DANNY’S GARAGE! YOU GUYS THROW THE WORST PARTIES! LET’S LIGHT OFF FIRECRACKERS IN OZZ’S HALLWAY! |
| SUSAN | KEITH | I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MARGARET FOR TAKING KEITH AWAY FROM ME–EVER! |
| SUSAN | GENERAL | …I DON’T UNDERSTAND! DAVID! WELL- YOU KNOW OLD CROTCHGRAB! I WAS IN WESTWOOD THE OTHER NIGHT! |
| JOHN | MILLER/ SHAKESPEARE | …I THEN THRUST IT IN TO HER-SHE GAGGED IN ENJOYMENT! I POKED IT AROUND IN HER AND I DIDN’T COME UNTIL I WAS DAMN GOOD AND READY! |
| JOY | MIKE | … WELL HE TRIES SO HARD TO BE ENEMIES WITH PEOPLE-BUT FAILS… |
| SUSAN | HAND JOBS | …WELL MIKE-DAVID IS A 1/2 INCH LONGER! MY GOD-IT’S AS HARD AS A BRICK! IT WAS A FREAK OF ACCIDENT! |
| KEITH | MURDER IN VEIN | …HAVE A SEAT!…TRY THE WINE!… |
| JOY+BILL | 1984 | …HOW MANY FINGERS DO I HAVE UP? (FOUR) IF PAUL LOCKHART SAYS I HAVE FIVE FINGERS– HOW MANY DO I HAVE? |
| DOMINGO+JOY | LIBERTARIA | …HAND JOB THE STATE!..GIVE SUZY-Q A CHANCE! MANUALLY STIMULATE THE GOVERNMENT! THERE’S NO HAND JOB LIKE NO HAND JOB! |
| KEITH | MAGIC MOUNTAIN | … I HEAR THE F’ IS PRETTY ROUGH! |
| JOHN STEWARD | GENERAL RUBBISH | …ABC JEWS HAVE ONCE AGAIN PLAYED THE FANTASY ‘ROOTS’…PROPS.5 AND 6 BOTH DEALT WITH THE RIGHT OF PEOPLE TO PUT CERTAIN THINGS IN THEIR MOUTHS… |
| DAPHNE | MEN | …MEN WOULD SCREW A HOLE IN THE WALL IF THEY WERE GIVEN HALF A CHANCE! THEY SEEM TO HAVE NO FEELINGS! |
| MR. COONS | SALUTATIONS | …DON’T STEP IN ANY!…THE ANGLE OF THE DANGLE IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE HEAT OF THE MEAT. |
| DAVID | FILMS | …HERE IS SOME BLACK LEADER (IDI AMIN)… O.K. THAT WILL BE A TEST ROLL… |
| ALEX | RESPONSES | …WELL…NO MORE HOLOCAUST JOKES! …THAT’S NOT FUNNY! |
| SUSAN | DAVID | AND I MADE HIM COME IN MY HAND! |
| ANNYE | REMARKS | …UH..UH..UH..UH….ER….UM. AHH..I THINK…UH…..THAT….. ….. |
| JOHN | EST | …QUELLE EST LA DIFFERENCE ENTRE <<EST>> ET <<ET>>? (LA REPONSE)-LE DEUXIEME EST MOINS OFFENSIF. |
| JOY | FEMINISM | …IN MY HUMBLE OPINION-WOMEN ARE THE BETTER HALF OF MANKIND. |
| CLAUDIA | MEN | MEN ARE MEAN. |
| JOY | SUSAN | …YOU KNOW JOHN DOESN’T WANT TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. (SAID AT JACKIE’S PARTY-4PM.) |
| TOM | GERMAN | WHAT IS THE GERMAN WORD FOR BRA? (ANSWER):DIE STOPPENFROMFLOPPEN. |
| KEITH | LOGS | THE INTEGRAL-S(((E^(X^(-2))/2)DX CANNOT BE INTEGRATED IN TERMS OF X. THE DERIVATIVE IS: -X(E^X^-2) |
| JOHN | COMPUTERS | …I LIKE GAMES… |
| BURKHARD | PHYSICS | …THE MATH IS IDIOT LEVEL! …HEY!… …THEY’RE A GREAT BUNCH! |
| WINKENHOWER | LECTURES | …WELL-GENTLEMEN! …HEY ` SIT-DOWN! …WE STILL HAVE AMPLE TIME! |
| DANNY | HOLOCAUST | …HEY-THERE WEREN’T EVEN SIX MILLION JEWS IN EUROPE AT THE TIME!… …HAVE YOU READ’THE HOAX OF THE 20TH CENTURY’ BY ARTHUR BUTZ? |
| JOHN | MATRIARCH | …TOO MUCH..TOO MUCH… …KILL! KILL! KILL! STALINA MACHINE-GUN FOR PRESIDENT! |
| MIKE | THE BET | …RECENTLY I’VE BEEN PUTTING MY ENERGIES ELSEWHERE!… YOU WAIT-BY MY NEXT BIRTHDAY I’LL HAVE DONE IT!… |
| FILMWATCERS | MURDER IN VEIN | …I NEVER DRINK…….. ………………….. ……(——). |
| DOMINGO+JOHN | DEI AMICI NOSTRI | ….OHHH HE’S SO WONDERFUL! …OH-EMILY’S FRIEND! …YES-KERRY(——-)! …MR.+MRS. JACKIE WATT. |
| JOHN+TOM | FRENCH | … BUT I THOUGHT THAT YOU TOOK A FRENCH COURSE AT THE COLLEGE. …NO-THAT MUST BE SOMEONE ELSE. |
| DOMINGO | MURDER IN VEIN | …FOR TEN BUCKS I’LL GIVE YOU MY LIFE STORY! |
| ROBERT | COLUMBO | …EXCUSE ME SIR! …I’LL TAKE THE FIVE DOLLAR FORTUNE! |
| JOY | WALLS | …AND YOU SIR ARE MALADJUSTED! …FUCK YOU-SIR! |
| SEAN | CHESS | …HEY-YOU WON BY DEFAULT! …DOMINGO! JOHN! …THE OLIVES ARE BIG-HEADED! UP THE C.O.W.S.!! |
| DAVID L. | GENERAL | ….BLAHH!!!! …..WHOPPYDOO!… …PHUQUE!… …PNORNY!… |
| (PEOPLE)(AMBER) | GENERAL RUBBISH | …….NYAR!!!!!… …WORKERS CONTROL OF FACTORIES! ….JUST WAIT UNTIL THE MARXISTS TAKE OVER!!!!!!! |
| OLIVES | DEATH WARRANT | …IT’S DOWN THERE SOMEWHERE! …IS THAT IT!?! …IT’S INCREDIBLY SMALL! …WELL-HERE GOES NOTHING! |
| PAUL L. | GENERAL | …MUTH!!!!!!!….PNORNY!!!! WHAT DID YOU GET ON THE MAA? |
| JACKIE | LEMONCAR | …JUST GIVE US ONE MORE HALF HOUR!……. …HURRY UP-OTHERWISE THE PARKING LOT WILL BE FULL OF CARS!….. I DON’T LIKE DRIVING ON SUNSET! |
| JACKIE | TOM | IT’S O.K. TO BE 15!! HAVE YOU EVER DRIVEN ON THE FREEWAY BEFORE? |
| TOM | TJ+KERRY | …BUT KERRY WAS MAD!…. |
| LORAINE | JACKIE | …IF YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HER IT’S LIKE SHE’S OUT TO DESTROY YOU. |
| DAVID | GENERAL | …DON’T LET IT GET TO YOU! …WHAT’S THE BEEF? |
| EMILY | JOY | …YOU’RE SO DAMN ARROGANT! …YOU KNOW-IF YOU KEEP ON GOING ON THE WAY YOU ARE- YOU’RE GOING TO BE DEAD BY THE TIME YOU’RE 20. |
| MIKE | ASB | EAT LEADEN DEATH-IMPERIALIST REACTIONARY ASB! ‘REMEMBER KIDS-WHEN YOU’RE SMASHING THE STATE-KEEP A SMILE ON YOUR LIPS AND A SONG IN YOUR HEART.’ |
| GLORIA STEINEM | RELATIONSHIPS | A WOMAN WITHOUT A MAN IS LIKE A FISH WITHOUT A“““` BICYCLE. |
| ADVERTISEMENT | RELATIONSHIPS | …WHEN YOU’RE READY FOR LEATHER |
| JOHN | JENNIFER | YOU AND YOUR JANE FONDA-NO NUKES BROWNIES! |
| TOM | FATHER | MY FATHER IS A… BASTARD! |
| JACKIE | JOHN AND DANNY | THERE MUST HAVE BEEN ANOTHER BOTTLE OF MANISCHEWITZ! |
| JACKIE | RELATIONSHIPS | EVER SINCE I’VE BEEN GOING WITH KERRY I’VE MADE A PLEDGE TO MYSELF NOT TO DO ANYTHING WITH ANYONE ELSE. |
| JOY | JACKIE | SHE PROVOKES SUCH DESIRE IN ME! |
| PAUL L. | ALISON | SHE STIRS SUCH A DESIRE FOR YOU TO WISH THAT YOU NEVER EVEN KNEW HER. |
| PAUL L. | EMILY | I REMEMBER HER AS THE ONE WHO ALWAYS WAS TALKING ABOUT THE REAR-MOUNTING WOMAN. |
| ANONYMOUS | FRUSTRATION | DISMAYED THAT SHE COULDN’T QUITE GET IN HIS PANTS… |
| JACKIE | EST | …AT FIRST SOME PEOPLE DON’T THINK THEY GOT ANYTHING OUT OF THE TRAINING-BUT SIX MONTHS LATER-THEY GOT IT! |
| JOY | JACKIE | …SHE’S SO LITERATE! |
| TOM | JACKIE | I WONDER WHO TAUGHT HER TO WRITE. |
| JACKIE | CAREER PLANS | I MIGHT BECOME A FRENCH TEACHER. |
| JOHN | JOY+TOM | YOU GUYS ARE MEAN! |
| KERRY | STATUS | I AM NOT A PRISONER! (AS SOON AS JACKIE TAKES OFF THE HANDCUFFS I’LL PROVE IT.) |
| JACKIE | JOHN | IF JANET HAS BEEN GOING WITH JOHN FOR A YEAR-SHE MUST BE GAY. HE’S SO EFFEMINATE! |
| JACKIE | HOBBIES | I PLAY THE GUITAR AND WRITE SONGS! I HAVE FOR YEARS! |
| JACKIE | STUDY PLANS | I’M MAJORING IN FILM COMMUNICATIONS`. |
| JACKIE | MUSIC | I LIKE BACH PLAYED ON A SYNTHESIZER. |
| JACKIE | DAVID | WHY DOESN’T HE CUT OUT THE SHIT AND GET A BOYFRIEND? |
| JACKIE | COONS | THEY ACT SO FAGGY! |
| JOY | JOHN | WELL JOHN THINKS….. |
| EMILY | MEN | YOU KNOW-ONE OF THESE DAYS I’M GONNA GET ME A MAN! |
| EMILY | GENERAL | YOU KNOW- |
| JOY | KERRY | IF KERRY HAS BEEN GOING WITH JACKIE FOR MORE THAN FOUR MONTHS-SHE MUST BE STRAIGHT. |
| IDYLLWILD PEOPLE | PURITY | IS THAT HAPPY VEAL? |
| SANCTUARIANS | GENERAL | WE ARE NOT A GROUP! WE DON’T HAVE CHEAP PLASTIC GLASSES! WE DON’T EXIST! |
| KERRY | VERBOSITY | I HATE HOLOCAUST JOKES- BUT I LIKE ELVIS COSTELLO’S LYRICS. |
| ELVIS COSTELLO | ‘GOON SQUAD’ | YOU’LL NEVER GET TO MAKE A LAMPSHADE OUT OF ME! |
| ELVIS COSTELLO | ‘CHEMISTRY CLASS’ | ARE YOU READY FOR THE FINAL SOLUTION? |
| JOY | RUMORS | I AM NEITHER A VAMPIRE OR A SLUSH. (SHE WAS DRUNK!) |
| JOHN | MIKE | HEEEEEEEEEY! THAT’S NOT TRUE! YOU GET BORED AT THE DROP OF A HAT! |
| MIKE | GLENN | …LET’S CALL UP GLENN AND BUG HIM ABOUT HOWARD’S LEGS! |
| OLIVES | DAVID | …LET THE GAY BOY DO IT! …THE GAY BOY IS READY TO ORDER |
| JOHN | OLIVES | I LOVE ENGLAND |
| DEAN | GLENN | …HELLO-IS THIS THE 500LB ROLY-POLY? |
| SANCTUARIANS | DAVID | …CERTAIN TENDENCIES SHOULD NOT BE ENCOURAGED! …THE GAY BOY IS NOW READY TO ORDER! |
| DEAN | CHESTS | …AND JOY’S GOT AN ICE CHEST! |
| DEAN | IDYLLWILD | …OHH- JOY–IDYLLWILD!… GUESS WHO’S WALKING HOME FROM IDYLLWILD! |
| PAUL T. | SEX | HEY LOOK-IT’S A — YEAR OLD VIRGIN! SHE’S A WEIRD CHICK! |
| KERRY | CARS | …JACKIE IS A VERY CONSERVATIVE DRIVER! (JOY-‘I HATE KERRY BEING A PERMANENT FIXTURE IN JACKIE’S CAR!’) |
| KEITH | FILMS | …COME ON-WE MUST GET LAURIE TO DO THE BATH TUB SCENE! …THIS IS TAKING FOREVER!! |
| MARGARET | KEITH | …KEITH IS MY OBSESSION! …HE HAD BETTER NOT! |
| MIKE | JOHN | …YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT LIBERTARIANISM! |
| OLIVES | DR. STRANGELOVE | 1)…YOU’RE FINE-I’M FINE WE’RE ALL FINE-IT’S GOOD TO BE FINE… 2)I’M JUST AS CAPABLE OF BEING SORRY AS YOU ARE DIMITRI. |
| OLIVES | THE GREAT RACE | …PUSH THE BUTTON MAX!… |
| ALISON A. | LIBERTARIANS | …THE BAD THING ABOUT THEM IS THAT THEY WOULD DEFEND SOMEBODY’S RIGHT TO DISCRIMINATE AGAINST BLACKS. |
| MILTON MUELLER | PUNK ROCKERS | 1)THEY’RE NIHILISTS… 2)I SPOKE AT A ‘SMOKE-IN’ AND THEY ALMOST BOOED ME OFF THE STAGE… |
| TOM | CARS | …I’VE BEEN TO SAN FRANCISCO AND BACK TWICE!… |
| TOM | CHEMISTRY CLASS | BUT THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF F’S- A F’S AND F F’S. |
| MR. SLUGGO | MR. BILL | …HEY-LET’S GO FILMING WITH DAVID COONS!!! WE’LL BE FILMING WITHIN THE HOUR! THIS WON’T TAKE A SECOND! …..NO-NO- MOVE A LITTLE! …(OOOH!NOOOO!) …R.I.P. |
| JOY | MATH | I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT A MATH MAJOR AND A PRE-MED MAJOR WERE THE SAME THING! |
| SUSAN | OLD TIMES | …YES, BACK IN THE DAYS WHEN JOHN WAS EASY. |
| KEITH | JOY’S QUOTE | ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! PRE-MEDS ARE FORMULA-PLUGGERS! YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT! (HI PITCHED) |
| JOY | QUOTE PROGRAM | I CAN’T STAND COMPUTERS! |
| DOMINGO | SLICKNESS | DON’T YOU JUST HATE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO BE SLICK-BUT FAIL? |
| PAUL T. | JACKIE | …YOU ARE INSENSITIVE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S FEELINGS! MAYBE I’M IMMATURE-BUT YOU’RE UGLY! TWO YEARS FROM NOW- I WON’T BE IMMATURE-BUT YOU’LL STILL BE UGLY! |
| ANNYE | GENERAL | …NOBODY EVER TELLS ME ANYTHING! -OHH! I HOPE I’M NOT MAKING YOU- ———- UNCOMFORTABLE!! |
| JACKIE | SEX | …SEMEN IS DISGUSTING!! IT TASTES SALTY! |
| JOHN | LA CAGE AUX FOLLES | …WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HOMOSEXUAL AND HETEROSEXUAL MAN? (ANSWER)-HETEROSEXUAL MEN HOLD IT MORE FIRMLY. |
| JOY | GERMAN CLASS | I CAN’T DO IT-I’M AWFUL I’M GOING TO DIE! |
| SCOTT MATTHEWS | LIFE | I CAN’T DO IT- I’M MENTALLY ILL! |
| JOY | GERMAN CLASS | ICH BIN SCHLECHT AUF DEUTSCH! |
| DOMINGO | JOKES | IT’S A JOKE, DAMMIT!!! |
| DAVID L. | WOMEN | YOU MEAN IT GOES URINATION, REPRODUCTION, SHIT? |
| JOHN | DOMINGO | …I ADMIRE HIS TASTE… |
| AMBER | LOVE | YOU DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE! |
| SUSAN | BITES | (REFERRING TO JOHN)-I AM STILL WAITING FOR MY THIRD BITE. |
| PAUL | BLACKBOARDS | GLARE! GLARE! |
| OLIVES | KING TUT’S JOCK | STAR QUARRLES MARRIOT HOTEL LOOKING DOWN JANET’S BRA KEITH’S BACK YARD PAUL’S BACK ROOM ERASER ON THE PANTS STALLED DEATH BY CHEESING IT PAST THE URINAL ERICISH STECKELING KING TUT’S JOCK |
| CLAWSON | CUTENESS | CUTE MUST GO. |
| CLAWSON | PNORNO STORIES | IT IS SAD. |
| WYNN | THE YAK | OH NO, A YAK. |
| PAUL | CATAPILLERS | THERE ARE CATAPILLERS IN HERE!!! |
| DOMINGO | CERTAINTY | THEN AGAIN, I COULD BE WRONG… |
| VICKY | GENERAL | THAT CRACKS ME UP!!!! |
| KEITH | TEA | I NEVER DRINK…TEA. |
| KEITH | GENERAL | PNORNY |
| DAVID L. | POWER | WITH A MAGIC LANTERN AND A CALF AORTA I COULD RULE THE WORLD. |
| DAVID L. | GENERAL | –ER THAN A BASTARD. |
| DOMINGO | ANYONE | YOU SHIT! |
| CINDY | KERRY | SHE’S GOT PROBLEMS… |
| SUSAN | NATALIE | STICK IT, DEAR. |
| KEITH | SP’S QUOTE TO ND. | IF MARGARET HADN’T HAVE STOPPED ME, I WOULD HAVE KILLED HER! |
| SUSAN | LOVE | IF I WAS IN LOVE, I WOULD SCREW. |
| ARI | GENERAL | I HOPE NEVER TO BE USED BY HUMANS FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN DECORATION. |
| KEITH | CLEM | SHE’D MAKE A GOOD OLIVE. |
| DAVID L. | EASTERN EUROPE | THE SKY IS RED IN EASTERN EUROPE. |
| ERIC | THE HELL OF IT | THAT’S THE WAY THE ARTERY CLOGS. |
| PNORNINGTON | DETERMINANT PROOFS | IT’S SORT OF LIKE THE MEASLES. |
| PNORNINGTON | INFINITY | YOU CAN HAVE AN INFINITE NUMBER, BUT NOT TOO MANY. |
| ANNYE | COCKROACHES | THEY’RE WATERBEETLES!!!!! |
| DOMINGO | WATERBEETLES | THEY’RE COCKROACHES!!!!! |
| ELLIOT GOULD | OLIVES | DON’T YOU HAVE ANY OLIVES?… IT’S JUST NOT THE SAME WITHOUT AN OLIVE. |
| ALFRED HITCHCOCK | ACTORS | I DIDN’T MEAN TO SAY THAT ACTORS WERE LIKE CATTLE… I MEANT TO SAY THAT THEY SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE CATTLE. |
| DAVID L. | STAR QUARRELS | GEODES…GEODES…GEODES… WHO’S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS PILE OF APPARENTLY DEAD JAWBREAKERS? |
| KEARSLEY | MAKING OUT | HEY, NONE OF THAT IN HERE!! |
| OLIVES | BURKHARD QUOTES | THE MUTH IS IDIOT LEVEL… TRY THE MATH… LOOK, PAUL, YOU AREN’T DOING SHIT IN HERE. GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! |
| VAUGHN | STUDENTS | GET WITH IT, PEOPLE! |
| VAUGHN | HOMEWORK | IT’S LIKE MONEY IN THE BANK. |
| PAUL L. | INSTANT DRINKS | IT’S FUNNY FACE!!!!!!!!! |
| KEITH | INGLEWOOD | JACKIE’S DRIVE-IN TACO TAKE-OUT. |
| JACKIE+DEAN | TACOS | EAT TACOS! WHERE’S THE TACO SAUCE? TACO EATERS OF AMERICA UNITE! |
| JOY | HENSHEY’S | HENSHEY’S IS SUCH A SLEAZY STORE! I GOT A JOB AT HE.. HE.. HE.. NEVER MIND! |
| JACKIE | KERRY | YOU’RE JUST BEING CHEAP! |
| SANCTUARIANS | JACKIE | JACKIE WILL GET AN APARTMENT WHEN MIKE WINS THE BET! |
| JANET | PLASTIC | THAT’S CARCINOGENIC!!!!!! |
| JOY | DEAN | YOU’RE SUCH AN ARROGANT BASTARD! |
| MIKE | WESTWOOD | LET’S GO TO WESTWOOD. |
| ANNYE+CLEM | DEAN’S ‘N-F’SHIRT | IT LOOKS SO CUTE ON HIM. |
| DEAN | WORDSEARCHES | I HAVEN’T DONE A WORDSEARCH IN SO LONG. WORDSEARCH ANYONE? |
| JOHN | ARMWRESTLING | (TO JOYS BROTHER) C’MON I THOUGHT YOU WERE SO STRONG. HO-HUM!! WHAT IS THE TANGENT OF 60? (WHEN ARMWRESTLING RIGHT- HANDED) I’M STRONGER LEFT- HANDED. |
| UCLA | USC | EVERYONE KNOWS TROJANS BURST UNDER PRESSURE. |
| DEAN | UCLA | U..RAH..RAH..RAH C..RAH..RAH..RAH L..RAH..RAH..RAH A..RAH..RAH..RAH |
| VAMPIRES | DAVID | DAVID IS THE SALT OF THE EARTH. |
| JOY | SWENSEN’S | I’LL HAVE A BLUEBERRY SODA. |
| MIKE | SWENSEN’S | WHO TOOK MY CHERRY? |
| MANNY | DEAN+MIKE | I HAVE A LITTLE JOB FOR YOU. IT’S ONLY TWENTY CASES. |
| MANNY | DEAN | I’VE BEEN SO GOOD TO YOU. |
| DEAN | MANNY | I HAD ONLY TWO BRANDIED COKES. CAN I GO ON A LITTLE BREAK? ARE THE CHECKS IN? |
| MIKE | BEING ‘NAILED’ | OH YES-VERY GOOD. |
| MIKE | NORA | (IN A HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) WELL-I’M NORA! |
| BRUINS | SAMOHITES | YOU GUYS STILL HAVE SCHOOL? THEY DON’T TAKE ATTENDANCE AT UCLA. |
| RICHARD+DEAN | JOY | JOY-GO STAND BY THE WINDOW. |
| PAUL L. | DEAN | AUK! AUK! AUK! |
| MIKE | LYNN | HER VOICE IS A CROSS BETWEEN ALEX AND AMBER. |
| TEACHERS | ROLL | ..TURK!.. |
| MIKE | OLIVES | I DON’T WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH YOU GUYS. |
| DEAN | COMMENTS | AWWW JEEZUS!! |
| JOY | J&K | THEY MAKE DANNY LOOK LIKE THE MOST PROGRESSIVE PERSON IN THE WORLD. |
| DEAN | QUOTES | LET ME PUT IN THE 200TH QUOTE! |
| ROLLIE MEYERS | ZERO | ANYTHING IS BIG WITH RESPECT TO ZERO. |
| SUSAN | CROTCHGRAB | …OH..NOT JUST CERTAIN PEOPLE. |
| MIKE | JOHN+DEAN | …WELL-I’LL BE VISITING YOU TONIGHT! |
| JOHN | MIKE’S VISITS | …AT 8 O’CLOCK IS THE RED HOUR. |
| ARI | MIKE | HE WON’T GO- HE HATES OLIVES! |
| SHAVER | KEITH+DEAN | ARE YOU KEITH TODAY OR ARE YOU DEAN? |
| TOM | MUSIC | THERE ARE THREE GREAT B’S IN MUSIC. |
| MIKE | DEAN | AT LEAST HE DOESN’T ACT LIKE A WIMP. HE’S A DIRTY BASTARD-HE THINKS WITH HIS COCK. |
| QUOTES | AMBER | NYARRR!!! (SPELLED RIGHT – YOU JERKS!) |
| JOY | BEHAVIOR | LET’S NOT AND SAY WE DID. |
| ANNYE | CATS | MEEEOOWW! |
| OLIVES | PI | 3.1415926535897932384626433 8327950288419716939937510 |
| TASSIE | FRENCH | ALSACE-LARAWHN! |
| DEAN | OISBOIDISMS | NAIL THE SUCKER! QUOTES MUST GO! PIECE OF CAKE! HELLO?..HELLO? IS ANYONE THERE? I TRY! I’LL MAKE A JEW OF YOU YET. — GIVES GOOD —-. IDYLLWILD…SIGH! MISS SHAVER–ALLAH! |
| PAUL L. | LOCKHARTISMS | —-IS OBSESSED WITH—. —- IS A —- FANATIC. |
| MIKE | MARINACCI-ISMS | I HATE THAT GUY! HE’S SUCH A SLEAZE! I CAN’T STAND THOSE PEOPLE! THAT’S NOT FUNNY, JOHN! PROGRESSIVE MUSIC IS SO PRETENTIOUS! WHAT’S ALL THIS HIPPIE SHIT? CUT THAT OUT! |
| JOY | WHITTEMORE-ISMS | CLASSES? WHAT CLASSES? I’D LIKE TO SEE SAMOHI A CLASSLESS SOCIETY. |
| JOHN | TURLEYISMS(JO) | GIVE SUCK? I NEVER SAID I DIDN’T LIKE–. MASSES? DID ANYONE MENTION MASSES? SAMOHI WOULD BE BETTER CLASSLESS —INMATES OF SAMOHI— –PEOPLE’S DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF SAMOHI–SAMOHI DISSIDENTS-. |
| ANNYE | GENERAL | NOBODY EVER TELLS ME ANYTHING! |
| MIKE | GENERAL (ATTRIBUTED) | STERILITY BEFORE IMPOTENCE! |
| DAVID | COONSISMS | THIS IS TRUE. –GIVES GOOD –. |
| PAUL L. | FELINES | YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT! I SAW HALF-A-CAT TODAY! |
| WENDY | RICHARD BRAUTIGAN | EVERY TIME YOU TAKE YOUR PILL IT REMINDS ME OF A MINE DISASTER; I THINK OF ALL THE PEOPLE LOST INSIDE OF YOU. |
| SUSAN | DAVID | HE’S NOT GAY!!! |
| DEAN | BAKER’S NOSE | DON’T POINT THAT THING AT ME- IT MIGHT GO OFF! |
| BILL(DJ) | CATCH-A-WENCH | THAT’S RIGHT — GIVE ‘IM THE OLD ‘ALIEN’ FACE HUG… |
| JOHN | XMAS | ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY TWO FRONT FANGS. |
| LAURIE | BIRDS | A BIRD IN THE HAND IS FINGER LICKIN’ GOOD. |
| WENDY | LAURIE | BUT YOU’RE A VEGETARIAN!! |
| GEORGE/WENDY/LAURIE | MANATICS | WE RUN RAVING OFF INTO THE SUN LIKE THE LUNATICS WE ARE. |
| JACKIE | FOOD | EAT TACOS! |
| ANNYE | DAVID | (DAVID)- WHAT’S THE DAMN PROBLEM? (ANNYE)- I STILL THINK YOU USE THAT WORD TOO DAMNED MUCH. |
| JOY | MATH | I DON’T LIKE MATH BECAUSE IT ISN’T PRETTY. |
| JENNIFER | HEIGHT | THE NICE THING ABOUT BEING TALL IS THAT YOU AREN’T SHORT. |
| DEAN | USC | WHAT IS THE WESTERN MOST PROVENCE OF SAUDI ARABIA? |
| DAVID | DATA | GIVE MAP DATA FILES! |
| ARI | HEIGHT | THE GOOD THING ABOUT BEING SHORT IS THAT YOU’RE NOT A MATH MAJOR. |
| OLIVES | DIFFERENCES | THE BUCKET. |
| DOMINGO | CERTAINTY | I DOUBT IT. |
| OLIVES | LAKE ARROWHEAD | QUOTES: HE WAS HIT BY A VAMPIRE. SO IT GOES. ———- I’M BORED. LET’S RAPE NORMAN! GET OUT OF OUR ROOM! SHEET MAN! BOOKS: MALE SEXUALITY SIX IN ONE STAR TREK E PLURIBUS UNICORN ‘PASCAL’ |
| OLIVES | LAKE ARROWHEAD | FOOD: DAVID’S CHILI LINDENBURGERS LINDENCHICKEN TEA: LEMON LIFT LIPTON STRAWBERRY AVOCADO S+M: TOECUFFS SNOWBALL FIGHTS CATCH-A-WENCH |
| JOY | GENERAL | IT’S NOT PRETTY! LET’S DRAW PRETTY PICTURES! |
| KEITH | MATH | ANY SUBJECT WHICH DOESN’T HAVE CALCULUS IN IT IS BY DEFINITION A BREADTH REQUIREMENT. |
| JOHN | DOMINGO | I WOULD HATE TO HAVE HIM MAD AT ME. |
| NORA | ARI | …YOU KNOW-YOU’RE TOO SHORT FOR COMFORT… |
| JOHN | ENGLAND | I HATE ENGLAND! |
| DEAN | DOMINGO | I’M GONNA HAVE ME FRIED ZUNGRI FOR BREAKFAST!! |
| DOMINGO | SLEEP | HEY, I’M SLEEPING IN HERE TONIGHT. |
| DEAN | MIKE M. | IF I THINK WITH MY PRICK THEN I’M A HELL OF A LOT SMARTER THAN MIKE! |
| MARGARET | WOUNDS | …IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE TO THE LEFT AND A LITTLE DOWN. |
| GREG | PROBLEMS | …I’D NEVER HAVE ANY PHYSICAL PROBLEMS IF I PLAYED MORE WITH MY HANDS… |
| KEITH | RESPONSES | TO KEITH:’YOU KNOW-MARGARET HAS AN INCREDIBLY STRONG GRIP.’ KEITH:’YES–I KNOW!!……… ..I MEAN- YES- SO I’VE BEEN TOLD!’ |
| NIKI | DAPHNE | DAPHNE AND DAVID SITTING IN A TREE-F-U-C-K-I-N-G-!FIRST COMES SEX- THEN COMES BABY-THEN COMES MARRIAGE…MAYBE!!!!!! |
| JOHN | TEMPERS | MIKE HAS A VERY SHORT… TEMPER. |
| DAPHNE | KEITH | I WONDER IF I COULD GET KEITH TO HAVE SEX WITH ME?!! |
| DAPHNE | ACCENTS | I’M ATTRACTED TO HIS SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT. |
| NIKI | CHILDREN | I CAN USE DADDY!!! |
| DADDY | CHILDREN | WOULD THAT MAKE THEM CHILDREN,OR GRANDCHILDREN? |
| NIKI | LITTLE DAVIDS | EEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!I’LL BET YOU’D EVEN LIKE TO HAVE LITTLE DAVIDS!! |
| JANINE | ABILITIES | I HAVE WITNESSED MANY CASES WHERE IMPERFECTIONS IN REGARD TO ABILITIES ARE IN REALITY CONVENIENT FACADES OF IRREPROACHABILITY. |
| KEITH | CHILDHOOD | I WAS ALWAYS A LORAX FAN. |
| BILL(D) | IDYLLWILD(81) | LET’S GO CLIMBING BEFORE IT STARTS RAINING… |
| JOHN | ALEX | HAEMLP |
| BILL(D) | GUNS | GUNS DON’T KILL… BULLETS DO. |
| BILL(D) | COMPUTERS | HOW MANY BITS COULD A BIT-MAP BYTE, IF A BIT-MAP COULD BYTE BITS.?.?.? |
| PAUL+GREG | SONG | YOUR EYES THEY KIND OF SEND ME, THEY TEAR ME UP AND MEND ME. YOUR EYES THEY KIND OF TAKE ME AWAY. |
| PAUL T. | GENERAL | FTW. WELL, MOST OF IT. |
| JOY | JOBS | THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN BEING UNEMPLOYED IS BEING EMPLOYED. |
| ROBIN | RIN/CLEM | ROBIN:…AND SHE WAS THERE… KEITH:WHO? ROBIN:UH…NOT RIN, BUT UH… KEITH:CLEM? ROBIN:YEAH, CLEM. |
| ALEX | JOY | YOU DON’T BELIEVE THE WORLD DOESN’T OWE YOU ANYTHING. |
| ANONYMOUS | BISEXUALITY | I LACK ONLY TWO OF THE QUALIFICATIONS FOR BISEXUALITY: A BOYFRIEND AND A GIRLFRIEND. |
| DOMINGO | JOY | NOBODY HAS TO TRY TO SEDUCE YOU. |
| ALEX | GENERAL | ANYWAY. HELP. GREAT. IT’LL NEVER HAPPEN. |
| KEITH | TALE OF TWO CITIES | IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES; IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES. |
| KEITH | HYPOCRACY | EVERYONE IS A HYPOCRATE NOW AND THEN. |
| PAUL | JAN | JAN’S A DOG. I WAS NEVER INTERESTED IN HER. SHE MADE ALL OF THE MOVES. |
| OLIVES | PARTING COMMENTS | OH, BY THE WAY… |
| RICHARD | PAUL | HE THINKS THAT HE’S BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU. |
| OLIVES | GOSSIP | I SHOULDN’T BE TELLING YOU THIS… |
| KEITH | MUSIC | I LIKE THE BEATLES AND I LIKE QUEEN BUT MY FAVORITE OF ALL IS THE XEROX MACHINE. |
| JOY | MUSIC | I LIKE DEVO AND ELVIS COSTELLO BUT MY PASSION’S RESERVED FOR THE FAERIE FELLOW. |
| JOY | PRIDE | PRIDE IS PRIDE, BUT MONEY IS MONEY. |
| JOY | BEDS | IT’S OK NOT HAVING A BED… …AS LONG AS EVERYBODY ELSE DOES. |
| JOY | DEBTS | DEBTS ARE THE BAD GRADES OF ADULTHOOD. (AT LEAST I’M GROWING UP!) |
| OLIVES | INJURIES | ALEX : I THINK THAT GETTING HIT IN THE JAW IS JUST ABOUT THE WORST THING. DAVID: I THINK GETTING HIT IN THE BALLS IS THE WORST PAUL : I THINK GETTING HIT IN THE EGO IS THE WORST. |
| JOY | ACTING | IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO PLAY HARD TO GET WHEN YOU’RE NOT. |
| JOY | GUYS | I’M NOT USED TO GUYS NOT LOVING ME. |
| DEBBIE | SEX & GARLIC | THEY BOTH STINK. |