Always great to hear from the guy who was relieved I wasn't a
typo ;)
My favorite line on this subject is from James Thurber: "Of all the
hice in this town, why did you have to wander into mine?"
--Q.M.
--- In OliveStarlightOrchestra_at_yahoogroups.com, "JACK SEESE"
<joyab_at_f...> wrote:
> Speaking of linguistics ... a forward from Bob's dad.
>
> >>> "JACK SEESE" <CROSSBARJACK_at_w...> Monday, May 19,
2003 7:51:48 AM >>>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BERRYJANE_at_a... <BERRYJANE_at_a...>
> To: jamick_at_t... <jamick_at_t...>; PBar453753_at_a...
<PBar453753_at_a...>; A1agirl_at_a... <A1agirl_at_a...>;
Copeshell_at_a... <Copeshell_at_a...>; GDdemos_at_a...
<GDdemos_at_a...>
> Cc: Aboydames_at_a... <Aboydames_at_a...>; ButchKaler_at_w...
<ButchKaler_at_w...>; janoalex_at_w... <janoalex_at_w...>;
theuniversalquantifier_at_c... <theuniversalquantifier_at_c...>
> Date: Wednesday, May 14, 2003 1:01 PM
> Subject: our English Language
>
>
>
>
>
> This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for
the brave.
>
> Peruse at your peril!
>
> Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
> 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
> 2) The farm was used to produce produce.
> 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
> 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
> 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
> 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
> 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to
> present the present.
> 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
> 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
> 10) I did not object to the object.
> 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
> 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
> 13) They were too close to the door to close it.
> 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
> 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
> 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
> 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
> 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
> 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
> 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
> 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
>
> Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
> There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither
apple nor pine in
> pineapple.
> English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in
France.
> Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.
>
>
> We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find hat:
> -quicksand can work slowly,
> -boxing rings are square and
> -a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig,
> -writers write but fingers don't fing, and
> -grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
> If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
> One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index,
2indices?
> Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one
amend?
>
> If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one
of them,
> what
> do you call it?
>
> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
>
> If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
>
> Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be
committed to an
> asylum
> for the verbally insane.
>
> In what language do people:
> -recite at a play and play a recital
> -ship by truck and send cargo by ship, and
> -have noses that run and feet that smell?
>
> How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a
wise man and a
> wise guy are opposites?
>
> You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in
which:
> -your house can burn up as it burns down,
> -you fill in a form by filling it out, and
> -an alarm goes off by going on.
>
> English was invented by people, not computers. It reflects the
creativity
> of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
> That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when
the lights
> are out, they are invisible.
>
> And finally, why doesn't "buick" rhyme with "quick"?
Received on 2003-05-20 14:30:57