Re: How I spent my summer vacation...and entire ban...

From: Hiram Gonash <okfreddy_at_hotmail.com_at_hypermail.org>
Date: Mon, 30 Aug 2004 20:31:10 -0000

It wasn't a bad birthday - just terrible service at Farrells. (And, by
the way, I never muttered anything about a lap dance. I'm not that
crude. I said a table dance would've been nice.) Mountasia was exactly
as I expected - a version of upChuck D. Cheeses for the slightly older
crowd.

What ticked me off was the Lazer Tag. Jason (middle kid) complained
that he didn't score any points for the two times he played. He'd had
enough and passed on the third round so I took his place and joined
Adam (eldest son).

Mind you, I have years of experience playing armed tag though not with
something as wimpy as a laser. I played the real man's game - with
BBs! - and had a known reputation as a courageous, resourceful, and
to-be-feared opponent. At the Nicholas Flats Warfield the other team
would cower as I calmly laid down my book of Chaucer, checked my gear,
gave my comrades a knowing look of impending victory, and strutted out
to the battlefield in a confident but not cocky manner.

Yep, I was one awesome dude in my days and, as we sat in the
pre-staging area donning our lazer vests, I let the others know that
they had a bloodied tag expert in their midst.

But those cheesy little teenies and pre-teenies were too busy trying
to blind themselves by sighting down the laser barrel. They didn't
hear my warnings that they were to do battle alongside a Great One.
They would pay for their ignorance.

Adam looked at me as I tightened my Lazer vest: "Don't suck, Dad!
Don't do anything stupid!"

Great, dissed by my own kid.

The rules were simple: For 7.5 minutes shoot at everyone and
everything to gain points. There are two homebases. Shoot them out and
gain points. If they shoot you, you lose all your points. If you get
shot your vest vibrates and your gun goes offline for 5 seconds.

This'd be a piece of cake!

And in we went to a darkened room with a sound system that kept the
air clear of any flying critters. The room had ramps around the
perimeter leading to the two bases. The middle had some sort of
reflective marker and there were walls, lots of walls with little
holes to fire through.

I immediately checked my six, my eight, and any other numbers and ran
to the far side of the room, taking out a snotty little brat on the
way. Go home kid - waaaa! - this is war!

For 7.5 minutes I was poetry in motion. Taking out the bases
repeatedly. Shooting, moving, ducking, sniping, strafing - kids
running away screaming in terror. I was "Doom 3" in the flesh - Rambo
meets Terminator with an extra shot of Testosterone.

And then it was over. We made our way to the exit, unsnapping our
vests, hooking up our guns. We compared tales and huddled around to
compare scores. Adam got over 2000 points - astounding!

But I saved my score for last, showing tremendous fortitude by not
looking until the last moment. I wanted to savor the moment, the glory
of knowing that at 43 I still had it.

0000

I got hit by the base on the way out, negating all my points.

Adam wisely didn't say anything.

I grabbed Jason and went to the nearest bar (at Farrells), got a
couple of pints (of ice cream), and drowned our misery. War is hell
we agreed and - dammit! - Farrells needs table dancers.

--- In OliveStarlightOrchestra_at_yahoogroups.com, nico9000_at_a... wrote:
> D&D,
>
> Yikes, now that one HAS to go down in the annals of WORST BIRTHDAY
EVER! You
> really ought to try to find out who the manager (or better yet,
owner) and
> read him/her the riot act. That level of "service" is atrocious, and
then, to add
> insult to time-wasting, they except Dean to do some stupid monkey
dance in
> front of the whole restaurant? No way, Jose!
>
> I thought Farrells was gone for good. I have many fond memories of
the one in
> Torrance and to this day, remember the first time my Mom took us
there after
> she got her job managing the cosmetology school she worked for for
the next 25
> years. I had thought they had all gone under during the '80s, so was
> surprised to see your initial e-mail re: the party there.
>
> You guys really should complain thought, 'cos that's wholly
unacceptable.
> Sounds to me like there was no "adult" in charge of the joint. Oh
and Dean, happy
> belated birthday!
>
> Now dance like a monkey!
> :)
>
> M&M
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Received on 2004-08-30 13:33:36