THE "EXISTENCE" OF TOM HILL: A CASE FOR OPEN DEBATE
If you were to ask any Olive who has been around since high school if
they ever knew Tom Hill, you would find the same answer: Of course
they knew him. Tom went to Santa Monica High School (Samohi) and was a
friend of Kerry Matthews and/or Joy Whittemore. As such, Tom might not
have been an "Original Thirteen" Olive but was certainly a friend of
one. This is simply a well-accepted "fact." If you were to disagree
with this supposed "fact," you would be branded insane or worse.
However, mounting evidence shows that Tom Hill does not exist today,
and in fact *never* existed. This person and everything about him are
all a baseless myth.
We have been trying to distribute and publish information about this
for over *five years*, but our scholarship has not been given respect.
We have been censored, vilified, ridiculed and spat upon by "Original
13 Olive" types, but WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED!
All we ask is that the existence of Tom Hill be debated as every other
"FOAF" or friend-of-Olive "fact" might be debated. Time after time,
our opponents have refused to debate us on the FACTS. This alone
should tell you something about the people who support the existence
of this alleged "Friend of Kerry and Jackie's".
Please read the following evidence VERY CAREFULLY, and you will be
astonished at the veracity of our cause.
THE HIGH SCHOOL MYTH
--------------------
There is no record of a "Thomas Edward Hill" living in Santa Monica or
attending Samohi. Not ever. Notice the very name itself sounds so
common! One should think that many individuals would have such a name,
or at least something similar to it. Not a chance, folks.
Most "Tom Hill Believers" (TMBs) recall that Tom was "someone else's
close friend" but not their own. At any party where Tom had supposedly
shown up, he came accompanying someone else, and kept a low profile.
After such events most Olives would comment, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure
Tom was there, but he was mostly with so-and-so. I didn't get a chance
to talk to him..." So at such parties people believe that Tom might
have done or said something. However, all deeds and comments that
people recalled Tom having done or said were always traced back to
someone else. Therefore, whenever an Olive would recount "what Tom
Hill had said the other day", they were just recalling what some
*other* person had said, which was incorrectly attributed to Tom
(either intentional or not). Under duress everyone admitted that they
never heard Tom himself make any comments or opinions about things,
directly in front of them.
Okay, so people claim they saw Tom Hill somewhere, but cannot recall
what he did or said. Fine! Now, for the next question: What did he
look like? We have variety of answers! You can take your pick: Tom was
chubby, and yet he was buff. He had long hair, and he had short hair;
he was clean-shaven, and he had a beard. He wore glasses. Wait, no, he
didn't need corrective lenses! This everyman "Tom Hill" was all these
things.
Do you know which grade in high school Tom Hill was in with respect to
yours? Each Olive accepted the fact that Tom was younger than they
were, and as such was going to graduate a year or two after they did.
This "too young" excuse easily explained why *no* person had classes
with Tom. It is a fact: Each and every person we interviewed
mistakenly assumed that *other* people had classes with Tom Hill, or
had graduated with him; but NOT A SINGLE PERSON admitted to having
taken a class with Tom Hill themselves.
Many people recalled Tom Hill having a large number of girlfriends.
Many of them were supposedly foreign, and always (conveniently) out of
town. Still others maintain that Tom was exclusively homosexual. In
any case, we have not found a *single* person who can attest to having
any kind of sexual relations with Tom Hill. Indeed, not even a peck on
the cheek while playing a game of "Bisexual Spin The Bottle"!
Tom Hill's house was supposedly on 12th street. But *which* house was
it? Most people have a vague idea of its location, or what the house
even looked like. It has been alternately described as located both
north of Janet Roebuck's and south of Paul Lockhart's, or north of
Mike Marinacci's and south of Annye Scherer's. Not one person that we
have interviewed can attest to visiting the house, or meeting Tom's
mother, or petting his famous "12-inch Iguana".
Poring through hundreds of old photographs taken at high school, the
Renaissance Faire, and Idyllwild cabin trips, there is not a SINGLE
picture with Tom Hill in it. For many years, the only photograph
anyone could muster claimed to be of a 'person talking to Tom Hill'.
Of course, Tom was conveniently out of frame! We have firmly rejected
this entry. Much later, we received one very intriguing photographic
submission: An early Olive "group photo" taken at Catalina Island. Tom
of course was not in among this group, but scribbled on the back of
the photo was 'Group photo, taken by Tom Hill, 1979'. We were stumped
for a while! However, a closer inspection of the photo's background
showed a small shaving mirror nailed to a tree. Upon enlarging this,
we found the camera mounted on a tripod in the mirror's reflection.
Well, guess what? There was no photographer - an automatic timer took
the picture! Ergo, there are no photographs! Yet in spite of the total
absence of photographic evidence, people insist Tom exists. Why no
pictures?? His defenders respond, "Tom wasn't there the day photos
were taken..." or even the more ludicrous "Tom is camera shy." (!)
It goes without saying that there are no recordings, either analog or
digital, of Tom Hill. No songs for Dr. Dimento, and no bit parts in
Star Quarrels. We continue to reject all THB claims that recordings
don't exist because Tom "didn't care for the sound of his own voice."
Handwriting analysis of every Olive log shows that no entry was ever
penned by Tom Hill. (All handwritten notes and drawings have been
assigned to others.) However, in many of these logs, Tom Hill is
mentioned frequently, and there are comments attributed to him. But as
expected, Tom himself wrote absolutely nothing.
That so many intelligent high school students, Olive and non-Olive,
continue to believe that Tom Hill existed shows a truly terrifying
degree of mass-hypnosis.
THE UNIVERSITY MYTH
-------------------
At some mysterious point, Tom Hill was no longer in high school but
instead at the university. No one can say which year he graduated from
Samohi or if he took the High School Proficiency Exam. There is no
record in any case. There are many questions, yet unanswered,
concerning his college years: What was Tom Hill's major at the
university? How long was he was a student? And of course, *which*
university did he attend? (Claims vary from UCLA, Irvine, Berkeley,
and even Harvard!) Did he live in student housing, or share an
apartment with someone? When did he graduate? Where did he graduate?
The answers vary widely, depending on whom you ask...
THE MAN-ABOUT-TOWN MYTH
-----------------------
Without the cohesiveness of school keeping Olives glued together,
stories about what "Tom is doing nowadays" are numerous and easily
accepted without further examination. The accounts have become more
colorful with each passing year! At any one time, he is reportedly
living in two or three cities: He may be a full-time med student at UC
Irvine, while being a full-time gambler in Las Vegas, and yet a travel
agent in San Francisco. Each career is always described to the finest
detail. When asked how Tom could live in different cities while
maintaining several simultaneous careers, people defensively proclaim,
"With today's low salaries, many folks have to hold down more than one
job."(!) In our efforts to speak with Tom Hill (merely to ask which
city he prefers to work in) we always hit the same brick wall: When we
arrive at one of "Tom's cities", we learn that "He just left",
presumably to one of the other cities. Meanwhile, his most current
phone numbers are invariably out of order, and his addresses are
vacant lots. To this, his defenders reply that Tom is a private person
who wants his personal information to remain secret - is there any
wonder why? Would not this hoax be exposed if such information were
released??
In addition to his multiple careers, there have been frequent Tom Hill
sightings in Europe, Central America, and even on the foothills of the
snowy Himalayas. In every case, these have been accidental
look-alikes, or intentional fakes. It has been very hard to track this
man down! Indeed, the time would be better spent chasing crop circles!
In a more recent claim, Tom Hill was reportedly interviewed on some
second-rate public access television show as a full-time atheist! So,
now Tom Hill doesn't believe that God exists? How do WE know that Tom
Hill exists!?!
ONLY THE BEGINNING
------------------
This is only the tip of the iceberg. We have more material on this
conspiracy. All the while, we have yet to uncover one iota of evidence
that Tom Hill exists. All the so-called "evidence" is just a mixture
of falsifications, coercions, exaggerations, and outright lies.
The "Tom Hill Believers" would like nothing better than to silence us.
If you do not see any more postings on this subject, then you have
clear evidence that their Conspiracy of Silence on Tom Hill has
succeeded, and that Freedom of Speech has been curtailed by the
dreaded Olive Thought Police.
What can YOU do? All we ask is that you remain open-minded. We are
confident that once you evaluate all the valid evidence, you will be
angered by this conspiracy, and motivated to do something about the
people who are perpetrating this hoax.
Received on 2005-02-04 15:12:07
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