Re: 33 Observations on Hawaii

From: mayhem <meurtre_at_earthlink.net_at_hypermail.org>
Date: Tue, 24 Sep 2002 11:03:21 -0700

John and Keith went to Hawaii together in 80-81 or so, but they didn't get
any pictures. Still, I heard that they had a wonderful time.

I have been told that it's an addictive place. I love the image of the tiki
torches burning on city streets.

--J

> I could have written a whole travel piece about our trip to Hawaii, and maybe
> will still give it a shot once we have a little time ... we still haven't
> opened a single gift!
>
> But here are a few things I learned on my trip:
>
> 1. Hawaii is obscenely beautiful.
>
> 2. Hawaiians hate: tourists, fences, and any pace above a turtle's. A turtle
> is one of their state symbols.
>
> 3. Hawaiians love: putting political/opinion signs, old trucks and happy dogs
> in their front yards.
>
> 4. Outdoor bathtubs are fabulous.
>
> 5. So are private waterfall grottoes
>
> 6. Ditto on snorkelling.
>
> 7. Octopodes (grammar folks?) are camera-shy.
>
> 8. Chickens are quite fond of crossing roads.
>
> 9. Roosters do not crow just once and then shut up.
>
> 10. Mosquito bites look worse on Bob and itch worse on me.
>
> 11. Wild guava trees smell like paradise.
>
> 12. Passion fruit tastes like paradise.
>
> 13. Pineapple juice is really good in champagne. For the record, I invented
> this as far as I know.
>
> 14. Formal Hawaiian names won't fit on federal government forms.
>
> 15. They get easier to pronounce once you've been there a while.
>
> 16. Most road names start with "K" and continue for at least ten letters.
>
> 17. Finding the Hawaiian road name you want on a map is like playing "spot
> the difference".
>
> 18. "Road" is a misnomer in Hawaii.
>
> 19. California has potholes. Hawaii has craters.
>
> 20. This may be a conspiracy by the tire companies. We popped two.
>
> 21. The Hertz rent-a-car drive guide maps are not to scale.
>
> 22. Honolulu is the only city. All the rest are towns or villages.
>
> 23. Cell phones don't work in most of them.
>
> 24. Hawaiians often don't bother with locks on their doors. Or with having
> doors - a lot of houses are just four poles and a roof.
>
> 25. Given the above, a lot of Hawaiians seem really poor. But you get the
> impression that they don't care so much about houses, given the scenery.
>
> 26. Even the city, Honolulu, is trusting enough of its citizens to have
> burning fire, in the form of tiki torches, right there lining its streets
> every night.
>
> 27. The Professor was right. Anything can be made out of a coconut. Or a
> coconut leaf.
>
> 28. True Hawaiian Hula skirts do not look like the ones sold in the tourist
> shops. They're not grass. They're a fatter green leaf, and five layers
> thick.
>
> 29. Hula is sexy if it's done right.
>
> 30. Young native Hawaiians are really attractive.
>
> 31. Hippie Yuppie Mainlander Transplants to Hawaii are the most condescending
> of Hawaiians.
>
> 32. It takes at least a week to get into the pace and flow of island life.
>
> 33. No one wants to go home once they've been there.



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Received on 2002-09-24 11:03:31