NBC: To Catch A Predator (My Version)

From: tschibasch <tschibasch_at_yahoo.com_at_hypermail.org>
Date: Sat, 27 Oct 2007 00:25:02 -0000

Opening credits appear on screen, and then fade in to Chris Hansen
looking into the camera.

"I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC. As you can see, I am in the
living room of someone's house. In tonight's show, you will see me
from several hidden cameras placed around this house."

The cameras quickly cut from inside to outside, and then back
inside, showing different rooms. Chris moves into the kitchen.

"A few days ago, we placed an under-aged decoy in an Internet Star
Trek chat room. Several members in this chat room made inappropriate
overtures to our decoy, which he willingly accepted... We are now
expecting a member or two to make good on their promise to visit our
decoy in person."

Chris turns to the decoy, who is an unkempt man in his early 20s,
sucking on a lollipop. Chris then turns back to the camera.

Chris: "We will lure the predator into the house. Then we will ..."

[A voice in the background]: "We have a car approaching the house!"

Chris: "Okay!" (disappears)

Viewing from the outside, we see a beaten up car parking in the
driveway. In the twilight, there appears to be a chubby guy
stumbling out the car door. He is carrying something. He stops,
verifies the address on the side of the house, and cautiously
approaches the front door. This is the "predator" we have been
expecting. The house is silent.

Predator: "Nuknekh!"

Decoy: "Oh, there you are... Please come in. Qaplah!"

The predator comes inside. In the brightness of the kitchen it is
clear that he is not so much large as gigantic! He also has a bad
complexion, and is well into middle age. The bandage taping his
large glasses together is unraveling. As he ambles forward, we see
mustard smeared on his front shirt. It is obvious the mustard got
there when he wiped his shirt with his own lips.

Predator: "Nuknekh, Earthling. Can I put my betleth down on your
counter? My holster broke last month on Talos 4, and I am getting
tired of carrying it in my hand."

Decoy: "No problem. Would you like some Klingon Wine, or Romulan
Blood Ale?"

Predator: "Klingon Wine - - Majqah!!" (places the large plastic
knife he was carrying onto the kitchen counter, and then sits down)

The decoy walks away, supposedly to get the drinks. Now Chris Hansen
appears!

Chris: "Sir, may I ask, what are you doing here?"

Predator: "What the?? Who are y.. ... I am visiting a friend."

Chris: "A friend? You know him? Have you met him before? Do you know
how old he is?"

Predator: "Um, eighteen. He says he's eighteen."

Chris: "No, he told you he is fourteen."

Chris now pulls out a printout of the entire Internet chat. He sifts
through a few pages.

Chris: "Lessee... In the chat room, your handle was COMMANDER_KANG.
After our decoy told you he was fourteen, you said you wanted to
demonstrate some combat moves with your betleth."

Predator: "Well, what I meant was..."

Chris: "Then you invited him back to the Klingon Empire to share a
bowl of Gach! What is Gach? That's serpent worms, right?"

Predator: "Look, I was just pretending. I didn't mean any of it. I
am working on a screen play, and was looking for someone to share
some ideas..."

Chris: "A screenplay? Do you write screenplays for a living?"

Predator: "No, I have not been working. Well, I am sort of between
jobs. Um, what I mean is that I still live with my parents. And with
that screenplay, well, I am hoping to pull something together and
sell it to Paramount Studios. I'll be rich!"

Chris: "Well, sir, let me tell you that I work for television. I am
with NBC! Let me ask you a question: What would have happened if NBC
had not been here? Would you have corrupted a minor?"

Predator: "No!" (pleading) "When I came here, I thought we might
watch videos or read comic books! I didn't do anything!"

Chris: "Okay, fine. You are free to go."

The man stumbles up. As he leaves the house, the police arrest him.
Chris moves back into the living room. He pauses, and looks at the
camera.

"Searching through the guy's car, we find all the evidence that we
need. This was by no means an "innocent visit". Buried in amongst
dozens of Winchell's Donuts we found Klingon phasers, daggers, and
several artifacts from the Klingon home world of Chronos."

Chris now looks more severe, and continues:

"Meanwhile, in the trunk of the car we uncovered a Dr. Who scarf,
scribbled excerpts of Vogon Poetry, and some SCA issued jousting
materials. To top it off, there was a half-finished MENSA puzzling
book."

"It's a good thing that we were here to stop this guy before he
changed someone's life forever."

[A voice in the background]: "To learn more about keeping your
children safe from Internet predators, please visit our website at
the end of this show."

Fade out.
Received on 2007-10-26 17:25:03