Re: NBC: To Catch A Predator (My Version)

From: Georgie Hinklemyer <samoolives_at_yahoo.com_at_hypermail.org>
Date: Sat, 27 Oct 2007 03:53:55 -0000

They mis-spelled "nuk-nesh."
--G.H.


--- In OliveStarlightOrchestra_at_yahoogroups.com, "tschibasch"
<tschibasch_at_...> wrote:
>
> Opening credits appear on screen, and then fade in to Chris Hansen
> looking into the camera.
>
> "I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC. As you can see, I am in the
> living room of someone's house. In tonight's show, you will see me
> from several hidden cameras placed around this house."
>
> The cameras quickly cut from inside to outside, and then back
> inside, showing different rooms. Chris moves into the kitchen.
>
> "A few days ago, we placed an under-aged decoy in an Internet Star
> Trek chat room. Several members in this chat room made inappropriate
> overtures to our decoy, which he willingly accepted... We are now
> expecting a member or two to make good on their promise to visit our
> decoy in person."
>
> Chris turns to the decoy, who is an unkempt man in his early 20s,
> sucking on a lollipop. Chris then turns back to the camera.
>
> Chris: "We will lure the predator into the house. Then we will ..."
>
> [A voice in the background]: "We have a car approaching the house!"
>
> Chris: "Okay!" (disappears)
>
> Viewing from the outside, we see a beaten up car parking in the
> driveway. In the twilight, there appears to be a chubby guy
> stumbling out the car door. He is carrying something. He stops,
> verifies the address on the side of the house, and cautiously
> approaches the front door. This is the "predator" we have been
> expecting. The house is silent.
>
> Predator: "Nuknekh!"
>
> Decoy: "Oh, there you are... Please come in. Qaplah!"
>
> The predator comes inside. In the brightness of the kitchen it is
> clear that he is not so much large as gigantic! He also has a bad
> complexion, and is well into middle age. The bandage taping his
> large glasses together is unraveling. As he ambles forward, we see
> mustard smeared on his front shirt. It is obvious the mustard got
> there when he wiped his shirt with his own lips.
>
> Predator: "Nuknekh, Earthling. Can I put my betleth down on your
> counter? My holster broke last month on Talos 4, and I am getting
> tired of carrying it in my hand."
>
> Decoy: "No problem. Would you like some Klingon Wine, or Romulan
> Blood Ale?"
>
> Predator: "Klingon Wine - - Majqah!!" (places the large plastic
> knife he was carrying onto the kitchen counter, and then sits down)
>
> The decoy walks away, supposedly to get the drinks. Now Chris Hansen
> appears!
>
> Chris: "Sir, may I ask, what are you doing here?"
>
> Predator: "What the?? Who are y.. ... I am visiting a friend."
>
> Chris: "A friend? You know him? Have you met him before? Do you know
> how old he is?"
>
> Predator: "Um, eighteen. He says he's eighteen."
>
> Chris: "No, he told you he is fourteen."
>
> Chris now pulls out a printout of the entire Internet chat. He sifts
> through a few pages.
>
> Chris: "Lessee... In the chat room, your handle was COMMANDER_KANG.
> After our decoy told you he was fourteen, you said you wanted to
> demonstrate some combat moves with your betleth."
>
> Predator: "Well, what I meant was..."
>
> Chris: "Then you invited him back to the Klingon Empire to share a
> bowl of Gach! What is Gach? That's serpent worms, right?"
>
> Predator: "Look, I was just pretending. I didn't mean any of it. I
> am working on a screen play, and was looking for someone to share
> some ideas..."
>
> Chris: "A screenplay? Do you write screenplays for a living?"
>
> Predator: "No, I have not been working. Well, I am sort of between
> jobs. Um, what I mean is that I still live with my parents. And with
> that screenplay, well, I am hoping to pull something together and
> sell it to Paramount Studios. I'll be rich!"
>
> Chris: "Well, sir, let me tell you that I work for television. I am
> with NBC! Let me ask you a question: What would have happened if NBC
> had not been here? Would you have corrupted a minor?"
>
> Predator: "No!" (pleading) "When I came here, I thought we might
> watch videos or read comic books! I didn't do anything!"
>
> Chris: "Okay, fine. You are free to go."
>
> The man stumbles up. As he leaves the house, the police arrest him.
> Chris moves back into the living room. He pauses, and looks at the
> camera.
>
> "Searching through the guy's car, we find all the evidence that we
> need. This was by no means an "innocent visit". Buried in amongst
> dozens of Winchell's Donuts we found Klingon phasers, daggers, and
> several artifacts from the Klingon home world of Chronos."
>
> Chris now looks more severe, and continues:
>
> "Meanwhile, in the trunk of the car we uncovered a Dr. Who scarf,
> scribbled excerpts of Vogon Poetry, and some SCA issued jousting
> materials. To top it off, there was a half-finished MENSA puzzling
> book."
>
> "It's a good thing that we were here to stop this guy before he
> changed someone's life forever."
>
> [A voice in the background]: "To learn more about keeping your
> children safe from Internet predators, please visit our website at
> the end of this show."
>
> Fade out.
>
Received on 2007-10-26 20:53:56