(I'm not sure how many are genuine. But they're fun anyway...)
"I'd rather be dead than singing 'Satisfaction' when I am forty-five."
- Mick Jagger, Pop Singer, before he turned 45
"I don't think that Saddam Hussein is deliberately starving his own people. I would think that a man who gets 99 percent of the people to vote for him in an election and the people love him so much, how would they love a man that is starving them?"
- Louis Farrakhan, Leader of The Nation of Islam
"I invented the internet".
- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President
"I didn't realize I was in a Buddhist temple."
- Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President when asked about his illegal fundraising activities that took place in a Buddhist temple.
"We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather."
- Arab News report
"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
- Barbara Boxer, Senator
"I don't think the Republicans can damage my character"
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. President
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
- Bill Peterson, football coach
"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"Life is very important to Americans."
- Bob Dole, U.S. Senator from Kansas
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer
"Where the hell is Australia anyway?"
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
- Charles De Gaulle, former French President
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
"All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath."
- David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on protecting yourself from nuclear radiation
"Sit by the homely girl, you'll look better by comparison."
- Debra Maffett, Miss America 1983
"We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out."
- Decca Records Rejecting the Beatles, in 1962
"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."
- Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated
"What we have is two important values in conflict: freedom of speech and our desire for healthy campaigns and a healthy democracy. You can't have both."
- Dick Gephardt, Missouri representative
"We are trying to change the 1974 Constitution, whenever that was passed."
- Donald Kennard, Louisiana state representative
"Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not
there?"
- Driver school applicant
"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."
- Dwight Eisenhower
"You mean they've scheduled Yom Kippur opposite Charlie's Angels?"
- Fred Silverman, TV programmer, when told that Yom Kippur would fall on a Wednesday.
"I can't think of a comparable level of cultural excitement about something since Neil Armstrong landed on the moon in the 1960s."
- Gil Schwartz, CBS publicist, on the "Survivor" finale.
"Give Bill a second term, and Al Gore and I will be turned loose to do what we really want to do."
- Hillary Clinton, former first lady, at a Democratic fundraiser
"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
- Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons
"Whoever designed the streets must have been drunk... I think it was those Irish guys."
- Jesse Ventura, Minnesota governor
"I think everybody gets caught up in superstitions. But I don't put much stock in them... knock on wood."
- Jim Deshaies, Minnesota Twins pitcher
"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl."
- Joe Jacoby, NFL Football player, of the Washington Redskins
"To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."
- Matt Millen, NFL Football player, of the Raiders
"I have no political ambitions for myself or my children."
- Joseph P. Kennedy, 1936
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
- Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
"Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey, Pop Singer
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate."
- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
"I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife."
- Mike Greenwell, Baseball player
"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
- Miss Alabama, in the 1994 Miss Universe contest, when asked if she would want to live forever.
"The Lybian army is capable of destroying America and breaking its nose."
- Muammar Qaddafi, Libyian President
"It is thought that Raj Mohammed Poselay was beaten to death, possibly during a family fun day in the park."
- Newspaper, Wolverton Express & Star (UK)
"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
- Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister
"Hey cabbie, could you turn that thing down a hundred disciples?"
- Paul Owen, Baseball player complaining about the radio being too loud
"Guys aren't able to get $15 or $20 million anymore, so you have to play for the love of the game."
- Penny Hardaway, NBA Basketball Player
"And the ball is out here. No, it's not. Yes it is. No, it's not. What happened."
- Phil Rizzuto, NY Yankees announcer
"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post."
- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island
"Can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."
- Police detective questioning a wounded officer
"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.
"Reports are sketchy, but we have heard that in the first heart transplant operation in Belgium, both patient and donor are doing fine."
- Radio news announcer
"We'll be back with the recrap after this message."
- Ralph Kiner, Mets sportscaster
"Hi I'm Dean White, Dick, of the college."
- Richard (Dick) White, Duke University academic Dean introducing himself at a faculty dinner.
"He's passe. Nobody cares about Mickey anymore. There are whole batches of Mickeys we just can't give away. I think we should phase him out."
- Roy Disney, Walt Disney's brother, 1937
"Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar."
- Sign in a Norwegian tallywhackertail lounge
"We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work.)"
- Sign on door of repair shop
"I'm someone who has a deep emotional attachment to Starsky and Hutch."
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. president
"I favor access to discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation."
- Ted Kenneday, US Senator
"I would say that anything that is indeent and violent in TV is a crime against humanity and they should shoot the head man responsible."
- Ted Turner, Media Mogul
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"They are not jackbooted Nazi thugs. They are merely German policemen in spiffy uniforms here to help us."
- Vichy government (1941 - 1945)
"You can't just let nature run wild."
- Wally Hickel, former Alaska governor
"A nickel ain't worth a dime any more."
- Yogi Berra, Baseball player
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Received on 2003-03-26 18:59:01
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